Love, What Is It Exactly?

(K's Note: This piece of writing was initially created as my English assignment back in my college days but somehow ends here, published on my blog.  It might not be the most enjoyable writing you would ever read, but I think it's worth sharing, as many people I've met seem to have experienced something similar.  On second thought, not sharing it to my English teacher might be among the wisest things I've ever done in my life.)

As a matter of fact, I have been attracted to a wide range of girls: girlish, mature, wise, naive, long-haired, short-haired, slim, chubby, etc.  If I am to pick one particular type of girl to be my ideal spouse, I guess she would have to be slim, long-legged, clean, neatly dressed, and neatly behaved.  I’d also like her to be smart and wise, quite independent, and creative although origin does not matter much for me.

Ironically, one of my ex I was in a relationship with the longest did not meet the criteria above.  This makes even me question if those qualities are really what I look for in a girl.  I guess no matter how high we set the standards for our perfect spouse, our mind will subconsciously guide us to pick the most realistic option available, although she might not be perfect.  Take my case for example, she was more thin than slim, she did not dress up, not matue enough (partly due to her age at that time) and she did not behave that well either.  Some people consider her pretty, but not jaw-dropping pretty.

They say there are five types of lovers: ludic, storgic, pragmatic, manic, and erotic (there is also agapic, which refers to "unconditional love", thus somehow doesn't sound human to me) but I never really thought of where I belong to.  Ludic or storgic?  Manic or Pragmatic?  Or Erotic?  This is a tough question, so let me think of it for a couple of minutes… hmm.

I guess sometimes I get ludic, manic, or even erotic, but most of the times, I am either pragmatic or storgic.  As a pragmatic lover, when it comes to building a “relationship”, I always want to ensure that it will last (not necessarily forever, but at least for some time).  Otherwise, I’d rather cut it off.  I hate relationships which are only a waste of time and energy and money!  

So was the case with our relationship.  I came to a point where I did not see it going anywhere, so thought it was not easy, I decided to cut it off.  It is obviously hard to explain something like that to a girl, especially because we never had a serious quarrel.  I could not blame her for thinking that it was a lame excuse made up to cover up an affair.  The fact that we come from different religious and cultural backgrounds adds up to the decision, although it was not a major reason for me.

In Indonesia, cultures and especially religions play a key role in the society.  There have even been cases where family ties are cut off when one of the members embrace a different faith, for example.  Our constitution even prohibit interfaith marriages (yes, I also believe it is against the human rights).  Thus, although it is not hard to find unmarried couples budding an interfaith love relationship, these relationships will usually end before the knot is tied unless somebody gives up his/her faith.  Well, I do not want her to give up her faith and most certainly, I would definitely not give up mine.  The rest is history... 

Well, that was me being pragmatic.  In what way then am I storgic?  Well, firstly, I tend to like someone I know, someone who can share interests with me.  Many times, we are friends before we are a couple.  This is not to say that I’m a pure storgic lover either.  As explained earlier, I can not bear a relationship where passion and intensity are absent but I can be agitated when a relationship becomes very demanding.  I do not like having a girlfriend who continuously insists to be wherever I am and demands my attention 24/7.  Neither can I bear somebody who gets jealous over trivial things, and wants to know who I go with, when and where, and such.

This girlfriend of mine was very demanding, especially after she moved to my hometown.  She might not be any more demanding than other girls in general, but I still found it rather disturbing at times.  This is perhaps because our relationship was not something that important to me at that time, anyway, especially because we were very young (not that I am old now, FYI!)

To my surprise, however, she is becoming less and less demanding as time flows.  Plus, she has become much more mature and independent as well. I don’t know what causes this.  Age, perhaps, or maybe simply because she has started getting used of being apart from me (now she lives by herself away from me and even her family).  Anyway, I am quite happy to see this big leap she has taken, and I sincerely wish her a better spouse, far better than me.

She deserves it.